Dear Carmel Log and Fishbelly White Boy,

I am pissed off at you both. It was bad enough to be called a liar over things that u both knew were true, but then you turn your backs on me while I fought cancer claiming that i was opting for attention. Yet i still called you both my good friends.

Do you know what its is like to be told your gonna die and then not?

And do you remember telling me to go to the doctor whenever i got sick or hurt, Fish? Why didn't you tell him to do it to? He listened to you. He talk to you. You called him and he you so why didn't you ask him? HE WAS YOU FUCKING BEST FUCKING FRIEND! SHUt up i hate you.

How dare you Carmel go and fucking die without finishing what you started. Just because your dead don't mean you won the arguement. It just shows that you where too chicken to face up to me again now that my head is right. Move around and shut up i hate you. TAKE YOUR FUCKING MEDS DUMBASS. You'll die if you don't.

and your already gone. not even a bye. not even a why your both mad at me. and you still have my cd. and i still call you both my friend. ignut till i die.

I miss you G. Your smile, your friendship, your laughs (remember outside the bar when that drag queen had us crying cuz we were laughing so hard), drunken read-fest ( "why come i could do double dutch and tie my shoe in his ass"), and the hang overs ( i think i am still drunk).

i have to stop now. it hurts