so I am now 38. still clean and sober. (did I mention that i had a brief affair with meth? didn't make me sexual. just cranky. like I needed help with that)

i wish i could say i will post more often, but more often than not I forget about it. Sorry.

Besides, I am boring now. All i do is work and music. No romance. No drama. No life.

God I suck.

I have got to start remembering my password for this thing.

this is gonna be brief. still making music, singing again, bummin cuz someone i like is hitched(he knows who he is), happy i still am not drinking (most days)

Working through it

I found that i am angry more often then not. And my tolerence for stupid people and stupid questions ( yes there really are stupid questions ) is at an all time low. More to the point, the desire to tell people exactly how I feel, what I feel and what they can do if they don't like it grows stronger everyday.

And its the simple things that are starting to piss me off. Questions of what I did, where I went by loved ones that "want to feel like they are part of your life". They ask cause they care. BULLSHIT! I am a grown man. If I don't want to tell you then I won't.

"my memory serves me far too well"-G. Michael
Mine too George. I remember every book i read, every song I heard (and liked), every song I sang, every lie, every promise, and every death. I remember all the way back to second grade clearly. I remember when my baby brother was born and how my mom put the phone to his ear and how we all said hi to him and asked mom when she was coming home.

If pressed I could tell you what I was wearing when I found out about GW, BG, PH, LM, EY, and MP. But don't. I am still coping with some of them being gone.

"Memories fade but the scar still linger

Is this the start of the breakdown"- R. Orzbal

if i never go through this again it will be too soon.

Working through it

I found that i am angry more often then not. And my tolerence for stupid people and stupid questions ( yes there really are stupid questions ) is at an all time low. More to the point, the desire to tell people exactly how I feel, what I feel and what they can do if they don't like it grows stronger everyday.

And its the simple things that are starting to piss me off. Questions of what I did, where I went by loved ones that "want to feel like they are part of your life". They ask cause they care. BULLSHIT! I am a grown man. If I don't want to tell you then I won't.

"my memory serves me far too well"-G. Michael
Mine too George. I remember every book i read, every song I heard (and liked), every song I sang, every lie, every promise, and every death. I remember all the way back to second grade clearly. I remember when my baby brother was born and how my mom put the phone to his ear and how we all said hi to him and asked mom when she was coming home.

If pressed I could tell you what I was wearing when I found out about GW, BG, PH, LM, EY, and MP. But don't. I am still coping with some of them being gone.

"Memories fade but the scar still linger

Is this the start of the breakdown"- R. Orzbal

if i never go through this again it will be too soon.

Working through it

I found that i am angry more often then not. And my tolerence for stupid people and stupid questions ( yes there really are stupid questions ) is at an all time low. More to the point, the desire to tell people exactly how I feel, what I feel and what they can do if they don't like it grows stronger everyday.

And its the simple things that are starting to piss me off. Questions of what I did, where I went by loved ones that "want to feel like they are part of your life". They ask cause they care. BULLSHIT! I am a grown man. If I don't want to tell you then I won't.

"my memory serves me far too well"-G. Michael
Mine too George. I remember every book i read, every song I heard (and liked), every song I sang, every lie, every promise, and every death. I remember all the way back to second grade clearly. I remember when my baby brother was born and how my mom put the phone to his ear and how we all said hi to him and asked mom when she was coming home.

If pressed I could tell you what I was wearing when I found out about GW, BG, PH, LM, EY, and MP. But don't. I am still coping with some of them being gone.

"Memories fade but the scar still linger

Is this the start of the breakdown"- R. Orzbal

if i never go through this again it will be too soon.

Dear Carmel Log and Fishbelly White Boy,

I am pissed off at you both. It was bad enough to be called a liar over things that u both knew were true, but then you turn your backs on me while I fought cancer claiming that i was opting for attention. Yet i still called you both my good friends.

Do you know what its is like to be told your gonna die and then not?

And do you remember telling me to go to the doctor whenever i got sick or hurt, Fish? Why didn't you tell him to do it to? He listened to you. He talk to you. You called him and he you so why didn't you ask him? HE WAS YOU FUCKING BEST FUCKING FRIEND! SHUt up i hate you.

How dare you Carmel go and fucking die without finishing what you started. Just because your dead don't mean you won the arguement. It just shows that you where too chicken to face up to me again now that my head is right. Move around and shut up i hate you. TAKE YOUR FUCKING MEDS DUMBASS. You'll die if you don't.

and your already gone. not even a bye. not even a why your both mad at me. and you still have my cd. and i still call you both my friend. ignut till i die.

I miss you G. Your smile, your friendship, your laughs (remember outside the bar when that drag queen had us crying cuz we were laughing so hard), drunken read-fest ( "why come i could do double dutch and tie my shoe in his ass"), and the hang overs ( i think i am still drunk).

i have to stop now. it hurts

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgggggggggggggggggggggggggggg. sexually frustrated. musical stymied. allergies season spent with a cat that hates me and I it. and I can't find the wonder woman first season on dvd or figure out how to say what I wanna say ,


i hate people.( i will clarify later. this is starting to bother me too so I will stop)

its been a while since i sat down and post something on here. that was due to the fact that I am a dumb ass and forgot my blog password. and since its ..3.30 am I am gonna make this very short.

I get to go on the road with Boy George. I am so excited I could spit. lol It comes with a price, like everything else in my life, but its worth it. Even if he don't listen to my music.

Also saw TLS. he is HUGE. He now is a fat, balding, hairy back mand with a 6.5/7 in thin dick. And single if I listened to gossip. life's revenge is good.

I just wanna say this: This is gonna be different from my other blog. This one will be more me than most are used to. in fact there will be only a select handful that will even know that this is here. So if your one of the lucky/unlucky few that get this or stumbled upon this on your own ( and/or your mentioned in here) remember 2 things: 1 you know about this cuz I trust and love you with my life (for those that have been given this link), 2 this is not for gossip. I didnt make this for that. if you want gossip go to livejournal. you will find a bunch of brainless gossip there.

Names will constantly change. And if they don't change, oops.

I will pull no punches, and will be blunt about it all. don't like it or you have issues with it or me: you can email me at myblkassis@yahoo.com or fuck off. This wasn't for you anyway.